Saturday, February 28, 2004
today was a great day technically..mardi gras was superbly fun…was great!! kept seeing all thesold OLD long lost friends and all. and me and hafi and joyce got so high dressing up and being vain at my house before mardi gras…we were all wearing funky skirts from bugis street..haha…man i love that place!! everyone shd go there!! wait, on second thoughts..DON’T go. leave it nice and empty for me. Got really fab butterfly danglies from sara..the sort i want but would never get for myself…the sch was so cool today…really think they should hold this sort of spontaneous, all out events more often..yeah, it felt really good to be there today.
the point being, today was basically a fantastic day. so why do i feel so awful and strange?
Its like, i feel like im losing grip on..something. i don’t know what. But it sure as hell feels lousy. why why why??? it’s the same old stupid thing, i bet..but i shd be getting over it by now. and im NOT!!! wad is wrong with me? why am i such a fucking emotional person? why can’t i just learn to let go?
oh hell…*tries to convince self that there was nothing much happening to begin with* it’s called living life as a dream that is not – and will probably never be- real. But fantasies..well..they insulate against reality. And that is what i want to escape..the reality of..well….losing something that might have been…but it never did come to be. so here i am.
for the uninformed majority..this is not supposed to make any sense at all to you..so my apologies.
Sway by bic runga..sums up my frame of mind perfectly. Wspecialy the first verse. hands up anyone who knows how that feels.
Don't stray, don't ever go away
I know i'm much too smart for this
You know it gets the better of me
Sometimes when you and I collide, I fall into an ocean of you
Pull me out in time
Don't let me drown...Let me down
I say it's all because of you
And here I go, losing my control
Im practising your name so I can say it to your face
It doesnt seem right to look you in the eye
Let all the things you mean to me
Come tumbling out my mouth indeed it's time
To tell you why
I say its ALL BECAUSE OF YOU...
NEeds to get away from it all...therefore i'm...
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