Monday, June 27, 2005
trust an eyewitness and join me
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you have your life and i have mine and if there is a divide we cannot cross then so be it because there is no reason to blame anyone.
if given a choice i might have chosen it anyway, but i wasn’t.
you say i hurt you well its one way or the other. in situations such as these rarely is a peaceful equilibrium ever reached. and so we all learn to protect ourselves. the colder i am the more there is that i am hiding from you and your strange, knowing eyes.
and i wish i could explain that for all my apparent cynicism and nonchalance i am afraid. afraid of being hurt, or maybe just afraid that i will once more end up looking foolish. and so i cant quite let go. i am selfish and twisted maybe, but in all honesty when so much is at stake i believe i may choose to wound you before you hurt me.
even if pain is the only outcome at least it will be mine to give.
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Friday, June 24, 2005
Well my last day got postponed to a week later cos apparently the store's short of people. Thus i leave on the 25+7=32nd of june.
oh alright. its actually the 2nd of july. who am i fooling?
Whatever it is, I'm glad I'm still here at the moment, these two days being staff appreciaiton day. We appreciate staff by giving out extra discounts on everything in the store.
I appreciate that, damn right i do. I spent like more than 250 bucks today and i still have a basketfull of books awaiting purchase.
My bestest buy was a Chronicles of Narnia boxset for $29. I've been wanting a set since i was like, 8, so it really is a good deal.
AND my most whatthehellgirldontwasteyourmoney buy was a little pretty aluminium case for contact lenses with a weeny mirror. super pretty, and all of 9 dollars. Considering i have at least 2 equally functional (though somewhat less sleek and show-offable) ugly blue and white similar objects at home (free with lens solution!!) i really have no reason at all to be owning that thing. Ah well sue me.
I also served the ultimate of annoying customers today. Or rather, half of my pair of customers was annoying.
ha i threw that in just to annoy you too It was basically this woman and her daughter getting a bunch of books. And when i see customers getting a sufficiently large pile i usually tell them to leave it till next week when there's a 20% discount thing happening. And so I tell the mother this,and she goes, ok, lets put the books back. And this annoying teenage daughter of hers just grabs all the books and chucks them on the display shelf behind her. Like, hello? in full view of everyone at the cashier no less.
And then i notice there's this one book left on the counter so i ask if she wants to get it next week too. Turns out the book is the daughters.
"girl you want to get the book next week?"
"But then i have to waaaiiiit......"
(all said in a whine)"But its 20% cheaper"
"So its only a fewwww dollarssssss!!!!! Please lahhhhhh"
roll eyes, bored look, the works) Considering her book cost at least $35, 20% would be at least $7, which isn't actually that "fewwwww". Its what you would have if you actually managed to save the proverbial dollar a day. Plus i think we owe some basic courtesy to the person who pays for our books, if nothing else.
After which her mother has finished with paying for the rest of the stuff, those being other books already on some form of discount, and when i hand the bag over this annoying little person grabs the bag, pulls out her own book, chucks everything else to her mother and stomps off.
Bloody rude. and
what a selfish little bitch! i hope she's reading this at this precise moment .
What i found really ironic was the the book this girl was getting (and she aint a little kid, she can't be anywhere far from my age) was some christian youth qp by dctalk and the girl in question was all decked out in a silver cross on a black choker and whatnot.
Its amazing how hypocritical the whole christianity -> lets say religiousness, actually -> issue can get. The way this girl was acting was like taking the very core of her religion and throwing it back in the face of God. The Bible goes
honour thy parents and
love one another and where exactly in between these two phrases do you fit in? And how can anyone respect the religion you stand for if you as a representative of your religion do not act in a way deserving of respect?
and my opinions are my own so as a disclaimer,
leave my company outta this
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Sunday, June 12, 2005
Giving out flyers in the middle of orchard road, bedecked in flowy black robe and long pointy hat. Only thing missing being the wart on the nose and perhaps a shiny poisoned apple.
Snippet of conversation:
"What's that for? Harry Potter?"
"Yeah. Harry Potter's coming"(reads from poster)
"Oh he is? And are you?"
I'm steering clear of any imaginable form of office politics; i've learnt that most of us tend to overestimate the number of people we can trust. And i leave on the 25th of june.
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Tuesday, June 07, 2005
i
There's no controlling you
No rest in ricocheting incessance
Yours is the frenzied flight of a bullet
You stain walls
With the gold dust
Of your gunpowder wings
Till suddenly -
You discern a spiral that leads to peace
And come toreat:
More fusillade flecks falls
And you careen towards
The liberation
Of a street lamp
ii
No room i know contains
Inspiration's mothy wheeling
It leaves the mind's window and us kneeling
Scavenging for gold dust,
The poetry that remains
taken from
"Morning at Memory's Border" by Aaron Maniam
Beautiful, succinct,
Momentous.
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Is what I did today after weeks upon weeks of having something or another to do, every available minute of every available day.
Rented "Closer" and watched it in the good company of cheese flavoured nachos and orange juice, who (to quote valerie) love me in a way no boy ever could.
”If you believe in love at first sight you never stop looking” is the tagline of the film. Which at first seems uplifting and hopeful, but the film isn’t. Love is sad and cold and hard and more often than not we cannot find what we want because, to begin with, we do not even know what we are looking for.
Love is fickle, flippant and ultimately self-serving.
To love is to be lost, and bruised, and scarred.
We choose to fall in love because we believe that the process will make us happier, or better people. Or we are convinced that only the presence of a particular person would turn dull existence into a full and sparkling life. Either way, it must be recognized that the bases for falling in love, at least initially,
are always self-interested. There is no nobleness, no greater spiritual beyond, which binds two people together. More often that not love is a purely practical choice to make. Which makes us all users.
Which makes the myth of love a fallacy.
How many times can a person say “I love you” and still mean it? Beyond a certain point the act fades into sheer habit. Or it becomes a lie.
i did say i loved you. it’s a lie. I don’t think i do. But at least I’m honest about the truth I will regret this post, i know it. But I just don’t feel too ready to believe in the possibility of love right now.
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