Saturday, March 13, 2004
It was getting better, and then it wasn’t
Have you ever had one of those days when you feeling like everything’s just falling apart and when your whole life’s just insanely wrong and you just feel like slashing across your wrists and drowning in the blood?
That so does not sound like something i would say, But honestly…something’s terribly not right with me these few days. And the worse thing is no fucking person seems to notice or give a damn about anything. Or weirdly, the people that did notice were like, not the people that should have. Like, un-close people were being nice, while persons who are apparently good friends don’t give a fuck. I mean, not that i go around waving a sign screaming DYSFUNCTIONAL!! but i would expect my best friends to realize that something’s not right when i do something totally out of character, like cut her off in the middle of talking on msn and going off. i mean, HELLO.
I couldn’t care less if she reads this since she never bothered emailing/tagging/whatever for like 3 whole months then who is she to say anything.
Its bloody irritating when people go off about their happy, blissful little lives and tell all these stories that go on forever and i just want to scream sometimes. ok, like, yes i have a happy blissful little life too and yes, i have happy, blissful little stories too would you care to LISTEN for once instead of going off all these crazy tangents? theres a limit to how much i can listen to stupid stories about people i don’t know. hello, if i wanted to know your life story i can always just read a blog or something
there i’ve ranted and feel slightly better. people can be so damningly uncaring.
i react lousily to being depressed…guess it doesn’t happen often so i don’t exactly deal with it very well. Yeah, so im not high 100 percent of the time. Are you?
have a week ahead of mugging…i don’t have the energy or willpower to do it. ack. terrible thought. why do the powers that be always manage to negate our holidays by sticking us with exams immediately after?
Rant
Rave
Wont be blogging for some time after this…well, maybe intermittently…VERY intermittently.
Cheerful thought: just got an album of suede singles. Should listen to positivity…i love that song, still do, even if it doesn’t fit my current frame of mind.
And the morning's for you
And the air is free
And the birds sing for you, and your positivity
0 comments
Monday, March 08, 2004
People tell you that time stops when you meet the lovve of your life. What they don't tell you is that when time stars again, it goes a lot faster to make up for it stopping" Big Fish
written *14:29
Sitting in a train station, looking out past the tracks and into open space. Its easy to get lost in the view of where the tops of the trees meet the sky, and sunlight spirals down in quicksilver streaks. If one ignores the background chatter and the distant rumble of the trains, it’s almost easy to imagine that one s in a very different time and place. It feels wild and almost primeval, and it’s almost easy to for get the cloistered lives we live, the pettiness of everyday stresses, the aching hunger for something beyond.
It’s almost easy to believe that i am part of something greater than myself, that there is a purpose for everything that happens.
*end of random scribble* i just thought i'd post it
Big Fish is a fantastic show...yeah vasudh!! i agree...its the kind of show that isn't about the plot, or the actors, or the effects..its about the whole summation of its everything. i would recommend it.
Mugging with valerie tmr..haha i shall motivate myself then.
0 comments
Saturday, March 06, 2004
" Love lifts us up, but were we meant to fly? Falling falling falleN"
i wish i wish i wish
i wish i didn't have to feel like this, but that's the problem. there's not much use knowing what to wish for when wishes never come true anyway. At least, not the way you want them to. And there you go.
0 comments
Friday, March 05, 2004
Its unavoidable, this topic of the A levels...Its like everywhere around me. I can't stand the way they give it out in school..they have this huge screen and an hour before they release the results they sit everyone down and start flashing these slides...List of students with 3As...4As...5As...and it goes on. Like, wad about all those poor kancheonging stressed out people with NO As?? I shudder to think of my situation next year. It like, REALLY hit me hard..can you imagine being in that exact same position at the same time next year? arrrggghhhhh why is studying such a big deal here?
ok, well, then again i would probably want to do well for myself if not for anything else. but still..its SCARY...Oh, and public announcement: Lynnette kang, chinese idiot of the century, has succeeded in NOT flunking chinese with a final score of *drunrolls.....* C5!!! believe it or not, thats actually pretty good for me. I was like, so ecstatically jumping around and hugging everyone and everything that the teachers thought i had an A of some sort. THANK GOD FOR THE MINISTRY"S RULING. Honestly, i would have just about died if not for that.
More on the A levels (not mine)
Gil: Im not sure whether to congratulate you or not! Think you shd be pretty happy with your grades dear, at the very least its an improvement..and Bs are not terrible things...Cheer up gal...and now at least you can stop worrying about that seafoody thing that you've been thinking about...*wink*
Sam: Mugger..i have nothing to say...4 As?? Like, pride and joy of tj? Congrats congrats congrats...
Lecter: c6!! c6!!! i beat the c6!!! woohoooo....
Everyone else's i have yet to find out...so...
Ok enough about the freaking As...I really need to get inspired. Life never seemed to be this dead. Jamie!! I miss the nuttiness...the way you miss the lameness. I miss SYC 03!! I miss my philosophy elective and argueing with everyone. Life has this..soporific effect on me...most of the time..im like too tired to get excited about anything...and i used to be the type of person who got high on almost anything. Maybe its just the whole year 2 thing..maybe its just me. There should be so much more to life than this man...i can't wait to get over this year.
I have a year more. 365 days. 365x24 hours. 365x24x60 minutes. and so on.
Ok..cool occurance of yesterday...remember i posted this really sweet poem..called beyond a certain point...its somewhere in the feb archives...strongly reccomended to go read it :) anyway, back to the poem...received this email from the author (daren shiau)
*screams shrieks cheers* because somehow he came across my site while searching for a review of one of his books... and saw his poem posted and yeah..the whole thing. Like, wow :) I just thought it was so nice...like, what a movie-ish thing to do.
I want: In addition to Incubus, a copy of Heartland, which i read but never bought. And sth by alfian saat while im at it. Here i go back into my local author craze..haha the last time i did this was when connor made us do that poetry analyzing thing
what else...oh HAHA me hafi sherri and joyce went GYMING yesterday. YES you saw it right...NO the words aren't mixed up weirdly..YES i went to the GYM. It was...hmm..shall we say fulfilling..apparently i burned a total of 90(!!!) count'em..90!!! calories on some rowing boat machine and on some stepping device thingie. Theres this really nice, spongey mattress thing at the sports com, which we were flooping all over and sitting on while waiting for the PE dept teachers to materialize, which took a whole hour, by the way..it was nice there...floppy ish, windy...sort of condusive to studying, amazingly...wouldnt mind regular visits to that place. OH but guess which silly little person left her econs notes in the gym after that...and guess what lecture test we had the very next day? Sometimes i amaze myself.
Can't wait to go watch big fish...vasud's raved about it...i think i will too, after i see it. next tuesday!
big fish big fish big fish!!! denise!!!!!
Cheers!
0 comments
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Some things we only notice in their absence
And then see them only through the gossamer of recollection
There, but not quite
It’s the feeling
Of retracing the path of a falling star
Of staring at a newly opened shop unit
Trying to remember the name of its previous owner
Heads shake as the thousand past encounters
Slide smoothly from their minds
Like catching the drift of a faint wind carried fragrance
Or a swift movement caught in slow motion,
Encased in time.
Remembering what was, but isn’t, here
0 comments
and yours truly thinks she might just be going insane.
1) why do we never know if we've done the right thing or not until its too late?
2) why do we always want what we cannot have?
3) why do the things we want the most to avoid keep coming back to haunt us?
honest questions...theres no more
0 comments
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
who isnt actually me by the way..im just SUPPOSED to be this guy you see here which is pretty cool actually
*off to dig up an old sec school project abt him* never did expect mr yap's little assignment to turn out to be so inspiring..but yeah..all the relativity stuff is actually pretty intruiging, if somewhat...very..EXTREMELY..inconprehensible
"THe most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science...whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead"
Excerpt from this essay he wrote..The World As I See It..ok i'll link it somewhere..i think its so inspiringly readable. and this was the bit that stuck extra long.
It's amazing how people FAIL to be amazed by how amazing life is..sometimes i just stop and wonder how i can go through everyday walking breathing eating and everything else and how come things don't just STOP. It's strange how seldom people think about the intrinsic miraculous-ness in just being alive. We're like, on earth for this incredibly short period...and even that we take for granted. And despite everything that's happened in all the fields of science..despite KNOWING so much more about how things happen...it only highlights how little we know with regards to WHY.
We've picked apart the human genome, walked on the moon and a zillion others, but that hasn't changed the fact that what we DO know is still barely a scratch on the surface of what there is to know. At best, i still stand amazed at the sheer precocity of life. Because i am only here once, and once i leave, i will never return.
"We see everything through a glass, darkly"
jostein gaarder
0 comments
