Saturday, October 30, 2004
i guessed i could be pretty pissed off to what happened to me
but its hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world
sometimes i feel like im seeing it all and once
and too much my heart fills up like a balloon and bursts
and then i remember to relax and start trying to hold on to it
then it flows through me like rain
and i cant feel anything but gratitude
for every single moment of my stupid little life
you have no idea what im talking about im sure
but don't worry, you will some day
Was going to go off but I came across this in
Jamie's blog. It's Lester's closing lines in American Beauty, one of my favourite characters in one of my favourite shows. The movie is intruiging in itself. It starts out so darkly and discomfittingly and you can't help but be depressed by the fake
cheeriness of it. Then just in the end, when you least expect it, there's this strange, quiet hopefulness that shines through, that comes out perfectly in the above lines. And it just makes you think.
and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life
is the line that stuck the most. Being grateful simply for being alive isn't something most people would sympathize with. I guess we're all jaded, cynical people, we've grown so used to life that the whole beauty of it just doesn't stand out anymore.
I used to tell myself that life, even at its darkest, most depressing moments, was a beautiful thing. Simply because being here, and having lived, is infinitely better than the alternative. Yeah, i know this is awfully idealistic, simplistic and naive, and most of the time i'm not fully convinced of it myself. Other times though, the wonder of everything just overwhelms me, and i really do feel an uncontrollable rush of gratitude for the grace that brought me here. Sometimes everything just seems so pure and so perfect that any unhappiness at all seems impossible. Sometimes...these moments never last, of course, and all too often I hurtle back into reality.
Still, I would rather stay my idealistic, dreamy self. Cynicism would not become me. If I live in a fantasy world where nothing can touch me, then well, don't tell me, I'll burst my own bubble when I want to.
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