Thursday, June 29, 2006
Someone tell me to snap out of it.
Once again, silly idealistic little daydreams of impossible fairytale worlds are not going to survive the inevitable transition to the real world.
Snap out of it, my girl.
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Wednesday, June 28, 2006
What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don’t know how to let you go
A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
Deep within I’m shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006
I want to live life intensely and completely, to love wholeheartedly, and to feel the purity of every god damn emotion explode within me.
There are moments that suspend themselves in time, moments of such heartbreaking beauty that make me want to return to them again and again. I want to save all these and carry them with me; as talismans of possible happiness in a gloomier future.
And yet all anyone ever really has is the present.
And therefore, remind me to be happy, no matter what.
(phil delon gillian ken if you're reading this, remind me again when you have to)
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Garden State
Trainspotting
Amelie
Wings of Desire
The Breakfast Club
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
City of GOd
Il Postino
Dead Poets Society
Heathers
Benny and Joon
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
Ed Wood
Baghdad Cafe
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Saturday, June 17, 2006
1. Aileen had a beautiful wedding and I was part of it, made a thank you speech, and was mentioned in a thank you speech
2. I lost - BUT FOUND! - a misplaced paper bag containing, among other things, my mother's pearls, my lucky fairy necklace from Australia, and a bra. What a lovely testament to the potential *niceness* of people and the tangibility of small and everyday. Props to the people at 4Leaves at the basement of Bugis. Thanks for making shopping centres safe places for silly shoppers who leave things around. (cough cough aileen)
3. I re-watched my all-time favourite movie Edward Scissorhands in good company and fell in love its dark, fairytale romance all over again. Movies like this make life worth living.
3. The discovery of wonderful friends in the course of an unpleasant crisis, so to speak. I don't want to dwell on its details, but thank you all you people who will be mentioned in the next few points.
4. Aileen and Vic for sitting in the loo with me for all the time it took for me to weep my eyes out and talking to me with admirable patience and reason and for providing me with much needed tissue. I love you girls, NUS and PGP wouldn't be the same without you guys wiht me on the 5th floor.
5. Sze Han and Dominic for being solidly calm and reliable and keeping the entire situation from erupting into an explosive frenzy and especially to Dominic for driving us down and for "xiao jie how are you-ing" every 5 seconds and for basically. well. everything.
6. Russell for appearing and not conplaining even though I killed his night out with BabyVic and for talking to me at Subway and hiding the twenty bucks even though i REALLY wanted to buy you guys dinner and for the nice messages at the end. Yes I know you're blunt but so am I so I think we more or less understand each other.
7. To other people who didnt know everything but who were nice - Cuppycake Junwen Phil Delon Ken Eugene Pam oh my gosh guys you have no idea how much i love you all.
8. I realize I'm starting to thank people. Im supposed to be making a list of things that happened that made me happy. Oh well. I guess Im happy that I have so many people to thank. I'm a lucky girl cos I know so many nice people :)
9. I went on a damn cool speedboat ride from the merlion that's taking a shower because someone wanted to cheer me up! It's like hopw damn effective. I swear I spent the whole day giggling.
10. Victoria is having fun at CFA7! I'm just happy that she's happy cos I'm happy at Cheers and I want to spread the joy.
Bad things that have Happened in the Same Period of Time
There are many but I refuse to dwell on them. I've learned that being around peole who want you to be happy makes you want to convince them that you ARE, in fact happy, and when you start trying to act happy you can't help but BE happy after a while.
And this suits me well and good because...well...life's too short, once again, and I just want to float from moment to beautiful moment.
So there.
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Wednesday, June 07, 2006
It begins and ends in one's own willingness to deceive oneself.
It transcends the mere romantic, really. Its an illusion that taints everything we do. We believe that the powers that be are somehow greater than the sum of humanity and that they are somehow obliged to gratify our own desires. God, at least as I see it, becomes this strange and wonderful magician who waves a wand and produces all the manner of wonderful things. Quothe from Bible: Ask and ye shall receive, and we believe that somehow a love from this strange and unknown magician will help us drift safely through the sands of time.
Its not disprovable, but neither is it believable except through faith.
Faith is the noble brother of delusion. It is, on a good day, a secure pair of rose tinted glasses affixed firmly on holy noses. And on a bad day, it is nothing more than an excuse to believe what we want to believe.
All this in the name of the search for that Great and Endless Love.
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Sunday, June 04, 2006
The last girl in the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss in your first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final seconds you ever learned to me was love
Snow Patrol
Make This Go On Forever
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Thursday, June 01, 2006
With regards to everything that's happened for the past month or more and the reason why I MIA-ed for so long, well, I have a really good reason
I was LAZY. and BUSY of course, but mainly toe former. Thoughts congeal in my brain if left for too long, and end up being displaced by later events that congeal again all too soon before I blog about them and hence, my MIA status. Do excuse me.
But anyhow. A summary
1. CAP
Here goes my results.
Structure of Sentences and Meaning A+
Reading Film and Cultural Texts A
Biodiversity and Conservation Biology B+
The Life, Birth and Death of Stars B+
Introduction to Jap Studies B
Really ironically, my lowest grade came from a 11o1E introductory module, one that's supposed to be really crap easy and brainless. And the Lit module that I thought I would at the very least fail got me an A. Weird, but true and I'm not complaining. CAP this sem was 4.3, which is kinda better than I expected, and this puts my cumalative at 4.35.
But whatever.
2. Apple
ishop at Cineleisure, which is the Club21 Apple store at the top floor below the cinemas at cineleisure is my current venue of money-making. I don't honestly know what exactly I'm doing there because I'm the least technophilic person I know. The good thing about ishop is, the guy in charge only schedules me to work like 1 or 2 days a week, and its on days that i tell him I'm free. Excellent for me cos my schedule's too messy for any sort of regular job, what with FOC and teh wedding and cheers and an insistent social life.
Its a scary place.
There's absolutely minimal training ("the computers are here, the ipods are there, this is zillah and you can follow her. Ok go on"). and I had the absolute worst day of my life on ,my first day there. I didn't know anything, or anyone, and I had to ask someone for about 80% of the stuff customers asked me. I was as clueless as...as...Jae trying to sell Shakespeare in Borders. Or Vic trying to play Cocktailopoly. Or Junny-wen on a date with a girl (shitdamnscrew!sorry!)
I swear I almost quit after day 1. I came out at 9.30 slightly delirious, rattling on to Jae about mysterious mac devices that would, if connected to one's ipod with the correct wire and suitable dock, park one's car, toast one's bread while simultaneously switching on the television and the ceiling fan. Im not kidding. Do not underestimate that little ipod, there are a surprising number of things a person with sufficient time and knowhow can do with it. And a corresponding number of confusing devices to fulfil these. But anyhow, the second day was a thousand percent better, and I guess I'll still stick with that little fruit for now.
3. cheers
I've finally started proper work with Cheers and I am so glad I'm here. I'll admit I was apprehensive and kinda not sure whether the whole rahrah the little children scene was my thing or not, but Phil was right - it kinda all fits together when you actually start doing it properly. Practising scenarios with fellow cheerios acting like children is ABSOLUTELY nothing like dealing with the kids themselves.
Primary school kids are noisy bratty messes, but they're also incredibly sweet and responsive. At least those I dealt with were - really energetic and enthusiastic, and most of the time fairly obedient. It's really moving to see their responses on their evaluation sheets after the programme - one kid wrote that the only thing he didn't like about the whole thing was the the instructors he liked (ie us) were going to have to leave. Coming from a little kid, that statement just seemed to sincere and filled with possibility. There was none of the coolness and detachment that older kids, or teens, seem to be filled with. It was just...sweet.
And that's why i feel this absurd sense of happy fulfilment now.
More to say, but I gotta go.
Be glad I blogged. I'll be back soon!
