This is a nice, bloggable topic because its been coming up so often in recent conversations with random people. And I'm arguing about it so much I'm beginning to confuse myself. So here goes an attempt to verbalize (then again. I'm writing. prose-alize? To quote
As of now, most of us don't really know what we want. Because we're all such clueless people, we think we've miraculously found what we want (in this context, Mr or Ms Right aka THE ONE) when we chance upon that one person that makes us that little bit happier.
Do I believe in THE ONE? I used to. Now I'm not entirely sure. Because there will always be someone that makes you a little bit happier than the one before, someone who seems that little bit more right than the previous. If ONE-ness is based on feelings, and if feelings are as eratic as this, then. erm. Question mark. Unless the quality of ONE-ness is transferable or otherwise rehabilitable, then that just seems wrong.
I have a friend who believes in Signs from Above. Meaning, basically, that God has somewhere in the world planted THE ONE for each and every person (with the exceptions of nuns priests and the odd sad soul who got overlooked) and while He tries to be subtle about it, He leaves a bunch of indications and signs that would lead the attentive observer towards the right ONE, eventually. Leaving aside all religious arguments my main issue with this is that these signs and indications are very often things that one only realizes in retrospect. It's one thing for a happily married couple to look back and reminisce about all the happy coincidences that brought them together, and its quite another to expect poor, confused people to take in whats happening around them and give thanks for the blessed intervention from an almighty hand. And in any case the existance of THE ONE assumes that events are at least to some extent predestined, which in effect and by way of a long argement which i will leave out excludes the possibility of free will. And I'm not exactly willing to buy that at the moment.
In place on an absolute ONE, I propose a scale of ONE-ness unique to each individual. Meaning, quite simply, that some people are more right for each other than others. This ONE-ness, which we shall arbitrarily name the O-constant, can be gauged from several factors such as personality, individual values, shared interests etc etc I will not go into details. The main point is, it’s simply easier to love some people than others. And the easier it is, the more likely that things will work out. Sometimes the O-constant is large enough so as to ensure everlasting fidelity and love. But that’s only sometimes. In most cases, it’s a little investment game we play. We find someone that seems right (high O-factor!) and if we think its worth our time, we sell our soul for a while. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes it does. And when that happens, consider yourself blessed.
THE ONE is whoever feels right, whoever makes you happy, whoever you can envision yourself spending a lifetime or more with, with no regrets. It is not decided by destiny, or by mysteriously heavenly powers, but by one’s own heart. Therefore, no. I don’t believe, at least not now, that THE ONE will descend from heaven and charm the socks off the person in question in a blinding flash of light. The possibility of ONE-ness waits within everyone, waiting to be uncovered by a revelation of true and unexpected love. It’s not easy, but it happens often enough for me to believe that it will someday work out for me too.
Where has the romantic idealist gone?
Shopping for a slightly more practical theory, perhaps. But the romantic still lurks somewhere within.
After all, I still believe in love.
More later.