Friday, January 26, 2007
I'm 21!
Thanks all at the barbeque, I appreciate you guys more than you'll ever understand :)
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Monday, January 15, 2007
I've been going around people's blogs and i'm happy to see how happy nearly everyone sounds. What with Brandon's (unexpected) healthiness (cough) and eemin still reminiscing about happy days in danang and Glyn's streak of transligual poetry and all. Particularly cheery was Aileen's account of painting chrising szehaning housing big-pgp-room-owning and etc. ( I havent read yours for ages,gal, I'm sorry! You may have noticed that I've been out of the bloging scene for rather long)
2006 was a mad year for me, an utter rollercoaster and even now I'm still reeling from the effects - and not all have been good. That's partly why I havent been writing. It doesn't become me to post up an account smeared all over with gloom and angst. I mean, who needs more misery i guess we all jave enough of our own. Which is not to say that my life's depressingly bad. It just means that i'm coming to terms with a crazy world that's spiralling too fast for me to keep up with.
I can't look back without nostalgia and a tinge of pain; I can't look back and not want to hold onto the beauty that's past; I can't look back without a deep down inside wish to turn back time. Maybe it just gets that way with everyone, maybe everything just seems better in retrospect. But nostalgia is a powerful thing; in a way we're all looking for a kind of stability thats fixed firmly in memories of the beautiful.
I'm sounding sentimental. But let me assure you that all this is sincere, I've spent many nights thinking about the past year and all that was in it. And to speak of it like this is like scraping a raw nerve.
And I am grateful for all that I have been given. And all that i have lost. It means so much to me now, the multitude of things that I took for granted, that so many of us willed ourselves into believing it would last forever.
I feel so litle now, really. to quote plath, like I'm living in a bell jar. Mostly feeling nothing very much. What I do feel comes detached, vague, like hearing a sound from a very great distance off. Leftover existentialism from the darkest days of the old year I suspect. And hope, because I can't imagine life in a permanent state like this. And once again, it doesn't become me.
This post is partly whiny, but its also an assurance that it won't last. And also, in the meantime, a request for patience. There's so much to love. And so many who love me.
To 2007, to turning 21, to a better year ahead.
cheers
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