Thursday, December 16, 2004
I don’t know whether I have too many things to do with my time, or not enough.
I don’t know about anyone else, but now that I have finally reached that blissful point in time when I can sincerely say that I can do
whatever i want I find that, strangely, there’s nothing really that I want to do.
And in addition to that, I feel like I’m not doing anything.
Its not like I don’t have stuff to do…I have people I’ve been wanting to meet, Christmas shopping, Christmas card writing, a huge, messy room to clean, several jobhunting dates, etc etc etc.
But all the stuff I have to do is, like, do-able and then finish-able. They’re things that you just do, and then stop doing after a while. In other words, they’re definitely not enough to sustain me through minimum 6 months of free-ness.
See the irony here? For the past 2 years I’ve whined about nothing but the utter lack of time I have to myself. Now that I have that time, what do I do?
I’ll answer:
I’m doing all I can to fill it up.
And I’m not filling it up with the sort of thing I thought I would. Pre-end of A levels, we’d sit around and compile lists of the things we would do during the long break. Mine included such entries as: Learn French or Italian. Learn driving. Learn photography. Volunteer at someplace. And so forth.
The horrible thing is I don’t feel I have the sort of energy a person needs to get through any of the abovementioned,
long term things. I think I’m getting stupid; my brain refuses stick itself to any single activity for anything surpassing half an hour. Now its getting uncomfortably tiring to do the kind of things i used to enjoy. Like blogging. Ir writing letters. Or even reading to some extent.
Is this the revenge of a resentful brain in response to 2(or 6 or 10) years of overwork and neglect? Maybe all round Singapore 18 year old brains are conversing with one another, concocting an evil plan to go on strike and pay back their unappreciative owners.
Or do I just need a sort of transitional period, so to speak? Then why do I feel this compulsive need to fill up the time I have with
stuff? It feels discomfiting having nothing to do.
And I’m freaking out about not getting a scholarship. I kind of think I had the best shot at the SPH, and since I didn’t get that I guess I have to get used to the idea of studying here back home.
Ouch.
You know, I really really wanted to go to UK. Still I guess maybe I shouldn’t slam NUS without actually having studied there or anything. But still.
still.
Enough said. Gotta sleep before I carol
Ps: Amusing factoid- Zenon's caption for the pic I took with him at grad night? Lynnette, wife of CEO.
HAHA I WISH.
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